I have talked and surveyed a lot about marital issues in the past. This post is for the single crowd. From the survey’s, I know that I see a large number of single men. Some just recently single for a variety of reasons and some who have always been single.
Being single is a valid lifestyle choice. I personally know of several men who just prefer their life that way.
They like the ability to come and go as they please. Deciding for themselves how they will spend their time and their hard earned dollars. The complications and complexities of being in a long term relationship are simply unappealing and undesirable.
Sometimes, it is not a choice. I know men that were certain they would be one of the rare couples to stay together for ever, only to find out their partner wasn’t on the same page anymore. Others found that being in a long term relationship in their case, was not a path to their happiness but became just the opposite.
Some fellows are just down right shy and have an incredibly hard time meeting women. This is such a shame. I have certainly met a few and I almost always found we were able to connect and to have a great conversation. That proves to me that they can do it. I hope they realized that too. Fear, real or imagined often keeps us from achieving our potential. 🙁
I have talked to men who sound like they have given up on women, or who have given up on dating all
together. That makes me sad actually. I think the opposite sex provides us with the opportunity to have wonderful experiences that one cannot have alone. I understand though that there are some pretty messed up women out there but I also know that there are many who are not. Learning how to weed out the problematic ones will likely be a topic for another blog post.
So if you are somewhat open to dating, how to go about it seems to be the biggest challenge these days.
Many men have indicated their frustration with being turned down or ignored online. I have lot’s to say about this actually. Although I haven’t used online dating services, I have girlfriends who do. I have checked out profiles to see who is contacting them. I often shake my head and wonder what these guys are thinking.
You might be looking for an attractive girl. Guess what, she is looking for an attractive guy. How you present yourself is critical. Think about the things you are judging a girl on. She is going to do the same. You want someone who looks well put together. Then you should be too!
If you have been single for quite sometime, you may need to get a females input on whether you are as presentable as you think you are. I don’t think men put nearly enough consideration into how they present themselves. Your choice of hair cut can make a big difference for example. The clothes you wear speak volumes about your taste. Don’t dress like an old fuddy duddy unless you are looking for a woman who is looking for that. I am not suggesting that you change who you really are. If you are a guy that is happy to go out in track pants and unshaven, that’s fine. Look for a girl who wears track pants and doesn’t bother style her hair – to find your match. Get the picture? If you are 50lbs overweight, look for a girl who is pleasantly plump. If she is thin and health conscious, she will be looking for a partner who has similar feelings in this regard and is taking good care of their health.
If you are older or look it, look for a woman who is in your age bracket or even a tiny bit older. She will love getting attention from a younger man and hopefully you will benefit from a more experienced woman. 🙂 I can hear the gasps now, I know, men are constantly looking for that younger woman! LOL
Do not say you are younger than you are. Unless people constantly “tell you” that you look young for your age, you probably don’t. Asking people if they think you look younger doesn’t count. People will lie to protect your feelings. If you are asking that question, you are likely insecure about how you look. Instead, be proud of the age you are and do what you can to remedy the signs to your best ability. There is lot’s you can do from clothes, hair cuts, glasses and more! The last thing you want is for her to be disappointed when you meet. You generally don’t like it when women aren’t honest with their age either.
Be realistic, feel free to approach the drop dead gorgeous girls too but don’t be hurt if they turn you down or ignore you. Be thankful that she didn’t waste your valuable time, or any of your money on a dinner date etc. Do not take rejection personally. You have preferences about what you are looking for, so does she. You are doing the same thing with women that you don’t feel attracted to. Besides, it might not have anything to do with how you look, but where your interests lie. You will never know and there is no point in giving it any second thought. You are who you are and that is good enough!
There is someone for everyone, it just takes some persistence. A client pointed out to me this week that they think that men have a habit of giving up to easily. Whether it is in trying to figure out a problem within a marriage or whatever. I would tend to agree based on the conversations I have had. Men go online, send out some winks or quick hello’s, get shot down a couple of times and conclude that the whole online dating thing is a sham.
I personally know of 7 couples that got together as a result of online dating. It works. You need to figure out how to make it work for you.
To maximize your experience in a positive way, these are things that I think are critical for you to include in your profile.
Here are some of my suggestions.
- Make sure you have a recent picture, relatively close up. (This says you are confident in who you are)
- If you normally shave, be shaven.
- Does your hair need cutting? Then cut it.
- Smile for god’s sake! If you don’t like your teeth, smile with your mouth closed. (I don’t know a single girl that looks for a guy who doesn’t look like he enjoys life)
- Don’t have a picture of you with messy background or anyone else (especially a women) in the picture (ever seen an escorts photo with all kinds of stuff in the background and you are thinking, omg she had this on the counter and that thrown on the floor and there was this…..)
- Wear something that is from this decade lol
- Have a complete profile that describes the things that are important to you.
- If spending time with family is important to you, say so. (Just know she might have a family of her own that is also important to her to spend time with.)
- If you prefer to be with a woman who has no children or children of certain age group, find a way to say that. You could say ….I prefer to be in relationship with a woman who doesn’t have the distractions of children at home or they have since left home versus I want a woman with no children.
- If sports is important to you, state what you are into and your level of involvement (Some women are into that, others don’t want anything to do with a Sports guy. Better to find out sooner than later)
- If being in the great outdoors is something you look forward to, explain what it is you enjoy and what it does for you. (Let her see your passion)
- If you want to settle down and find a life partner, say so. (Women are very leary of those that are still wanting to play the field unless they are too)
- If you are looking for someone who just wants to casually date from time to time, no strings attached say that too.
- If you love to laugh, mention it (women place a very high importance level on a man’s ability to laugh and have fun)
- Mention if you love intimacy, kissing, cuddling, sex and are affectionate (you won’t scare away the ones that also love this but you will hopefully repel the ones who don’t)
- If you are concerned about good health and taking care of your body, mention it. (hopefully your picture will back up what you say)
- Give everything you say in your profile great thought. Read it from a woman’s perspective. What might be a turn off? What would she like to know about you? What is there about you that you respect and admire and tell her.
- Get a woman friend to read it and give you honest feedback
- Check your grammar and spelling, don’t make it one long uninterrupted paragraph.
- Some women are looking for a financial equal and want to know that you have your own resources. Find a way to tactfully state your situation. Beware, some women are looking for their next sugar daddy…..watch for the princess syndrome when you meet.
- If you are finding all this too much work, you are going to find spending time with a woman too much work too. The amount of energy and effort you put into “saying who you are” speaks volumes about the amount of effort you will put into a relationship. Just sayin……
If online dating really isn’t for you, there are other ways to meet women. Think about what you enjoy alot and what you spend much of your time doing.Where are people doing those things? Do you enjoy cooking?
Take a cooking class. Like reading books, join a book club.
There are groups of people with common interests that come together to share their time, talking about or doing what they love. What better way to find someone who thinks like you do possibly. The worst case scenario is that meet some new people and you get out of the house.
Check out Meetup.com Scroll down through the thousands of groups, surely there is someone else who loves what you love!!
Don’t give up, it’s never too late. My father-in-law remarried 2.5 years after his wife of 51 years passed away. He met her at church. He was 82 at the time. They are happy, in love and look like honeymooners after 5 years of marriage still. If it can happen to him, it can happen to you too!!
Just a thought…..
Would you consider hiring someone to do a make over for you? Take you shopping, suggest clothes that suit your style and personality? Recommend a hair cut or new glasses that bring out the real handsome guy inside you? Someone to coach you on current dating etiquette?
If so, use the form on the right side of the page, or text me to let me know and I will do some research. It sounds like this could be a great business for the right woman. My guess is there is someone already doing that right now. I will be looking…… 🙂