Posted: Nov 7, 2018 (At First Shy)
I love what you stand for and the way you present your self in words.
My question to you is about sharing more than our time together. I’ve been careful and don’t consider this a hobby but more of a re-energizing. How are you careful about infections? How can we be certain with any encounter? Can you provide some advice on the steps that you and we need to take to be safe?
At First Shy but after the first smile, a friend forever.
Hi At First Shy,
Thank you for your kind words!
Anyone who engages in sex with more than one person is at risk. Abstinence is the only proven way to 100% guarantee that you won’t get an STI. So what do I do?
- I get tested regularly, which is valid for the one day I was tested. Once I see someone else, I am at risk again
- I do my best to see people my own age or older who are also very concerned and careful about these things
- I try not to attract men who are totally variety driven and will just see any escort for the thrill
- I never see someone who inquires about bareback intercourse (they obviously don’t care about the risks)
- My hygiene is impeccable which plays a very very important role
- I am extremely healthy and have a strong immune system
I have been in this industry for almost 10 years now and I have never ever had an STI. Although it is true I do bareback blowjobs but obviously whatever I am and have been doing for all these years, works for me.
If you are anxious about this, I suggest you stick with girls that only do covered BJ’s or abstain altogether. Know who you are seeing, make sure she has a website and is professional, has good reviews about hygiene etc. If you are dating, you should be equally concerned as you have no idea who or what they have been doing previous to you.
I hope you found some of that helpful. It is scary, I get that but know your risks and minimize your exposure as much as is possible.
Posted: Oct 30, 2018 (Very much in love)
I am in a relationship with the most wonderful woman I have ever known for a couple years now.
She is beautiful, sexy, smart, funny, and very giving.
Problem is, she was abused as a young adult, she did deal with it but does not have a sexual appetite like I do I think because subconsciously, she feels sex is…well something that was taken from her not an act to be shared out of love.
So, I do not push her and we are very happy and compatible in every other way.
My question is, am I a bad person if I just get my needs met with an escort such as yourself, and hide it from her? If she ever found out even
I don’t want an affair of any sort, I know this woman is the one I want to spend my life with, but have needs and just not sure what to do.
I know you are not a therapist, but read some of your blogs and you have a great take on things.
Hi Very Much in Love,
I am not sure if you read the response I gave to Shyguy below. It sounds as though you are in a similar situation.
Unfortunately, there are consequences for every decision that we make. Should you decide that seeing an escort is the only honest way you can think of to deal with this situation, you need to be prepared that someday, she could possibly find out. Before any of that though, I would make sure that you have had very clear communication with her about how important your sexuality is to you. It is my belief that women have no idea how much sex consumes a man’s daily thoughts. Why is that; because I believe rightly or wrongly that men are too afraid to tell them. Perhaps they are afraid of sounding like a sex addict, or an animal with uncontrollable urges. I am not sure what the fear is, perhaps you can enlighten me.
If a woman finds out that a man has been getting sex elsewhere and there have been no conversations about how important it is to you, (explain it in detail, include what it does for your psychologically as well as physically) she will feel extremely betrayed. If however, you have a conversation or preferably many, to explain to her what your needs are, she then has to make a conscious choice every time she denies you. If a woman wants to keep you in a monogamous relationship, she must understand that she has a certain responsibility as the sole provider of your sexual pleasure. Surely you cannot be expected to be denied something so important to you indefinitely.
Most women think that your urges will simply go away, just like hers did – if they ever existed in the first place. The less sex a woman gets, the less she cares or thinks about it. That doesn’t seem to work for men! Some women are happy at the thought of never having sex again and would be thrilled if you never asked for it. Thank heavens, they are not all like that.
In your situation, I believe you that if you stay in this relationship, you will be sexually frustrated forever unless you visit someone like me.
Is she the woman you want to spend eternity with? Is she perfect in every other way for you? If so, you need to understand up front that the chances of her changing are next to none in my opinion.
I believe that women are wired a certain way pretty early in their development. Sexuality doesn’t just blossom at a predetermined age, it is a part of a personality that starts in puberty. Certain cultures and religions can be more of an influence in their development, often in a negative way. This type of preprogramming is extremely difficult to change. Only a strong-willed and defiant young woman who won’t bow to such pressures is likely to try new things, the things that she has been taught were taboo. Perhaps someone could chime in on the comments who has been down this road to let us know if “she changed” or not down the road.
So think of decades more of these thoughts, ruminating about your head every day or so for the rest of your life. If you haven’t decided to marry her, I sure as heck wouldn’t.
There are other women you will meet along the way that you will get along with, who you will have things in common with, who like you, will enjoy a variety of things to do in the bedroom.
In other words, don’t settle.
If you were already married to her, and you told me you loved her with all your heart, and life was perfect with this one exception, sexual incompatibility. I would say, don’t throw the baby out with the bath water, and come and see me instead. I definitely would not recommend an affair as they are always messy and never end well.
Life is short, your sexuality is important to you. You may not realize how important until you no longer have the freedom to act on your desires. Don’t underestimate your disappointment at a life not fully lived. Do your best to explore, experiment and do all you can so you can say you did it….and then one day, you just might realize you are ok with the sex that is a little on the boring side to be with a woman who otherwise rocks your world.
Based on your experience Jaime, do you think it can be beneficial for someone with sexual dysfunction, mental problem /stress, depression/ or even with a health condition to visit you on a regular basis? Have you ever seen any improvement in the conditions in that regard?
I think that any time a man is sexually frustrated it compounds whatever issues he is facing. Sexual release is important to most men, as is a sense of intimacy. I cannot claim that being a provider of such release will eliminate or cure any of the issues you identified.
Will it help him to meet with a woman who is kind, caring and compassionate? Yes on some levels it certainly will. If he is open to sharing what is going on with him, his release will be at least two-fold (unless the sexual dysfunction) prevents it. I have been told by clients that I have a very therapeutic nature, and have been able to help quite a few through a variety of issues. So I do what I can to help, sometimes it is just to listen and sometimes to refer to an expert. Mental and physical health issues, stress, depression and sexual dysfunction are things I have definitely dealt with successfully in my own life and I am happy to share I the knowledge I have gained through an interesting, yet challenging life.
I have witnessed people move on from states of depression and stress, not just because of me, but because they were ready to make some critical changes to their beliefs and how they perceive things. Nothing changes on any front unless someone is committed to doing some work. Same old behaviours will always yield the same old results!
I love oral sex more than anything else, it feels unique and with a great partner, it’s simply magical. But I find I have a difficult time finishing this way. Any thoughts?
Great question! Now here is a couple of questions for you.
- Do you have difficulty getting off other ways? Either manually or with intercourse?
- If you are able to complete with intercourse, is it always in the same position when you finish?
- Have you had an experience where the woman found it unpleasant for you to finish this way?
Let’s assume that it is not the skill of your partner, since you find it magical and hopefully you are providing her with any necessary feedback such as speed, pressure, to use her hand or no hand.
I have had several clients that also find finishing this way difficult. I believe in some of these cases the reasoning may have been one of the following;
A) a personal belief that it is degrading to the woman to allow him to finish in her mouth or
B) a belief that the woman would not enjoy it, thereby causing a psychological roadblock to the release.
If either of these could be your potential reasons, a conversation with your partner, could help put your mind at ease and allow you to relax enough to let go when you’re ready!
I can assure you from my own experience that if someone is willing to finish you with their mouth, then they are indeed enjoying it! 🙂 I sure do!
I hope you can get there, in my opinion men seem to enjoy a much more powerful orgasm with an oral finale!
Is there a favourite position that will make my woman orgasm faster? What is yours if I may ask, thank you in advance.
I would like to ask how many different positions you have tried with your partner? Do you always stick with just one? If so, switching it up every 3 or 4 minutes will give you a bit of a rest and you might just stumble upon one that she loves.
Friends of mine all seem to be different but a few have indicated that they prefer being on top. It gives them the control of speed and they can find the depth of penetration that works for them. I strongly suggest that if you cum first, that you let her know unless you don’t mind her carrying on. Which is really only an issue if you tend to get very sensitive afterwards.
For me, my position was missionary but for whatever reason, I have not been able to have a vaginal orgasm for almost 5 years. Even then, that was the first time in 7 years! I don’t really understand why, but they were far and few between for many years with the exception of one boyfriend, that I refer to in an earlier question that was posted here.
I am able to cum orally however and often with great effort but I am far from frustrated. I just really enjoy sex and intimacy, whether it leads to an orgasm or not.
I wish you well in figuring out what works the best for your partner Duke and hopefully, she doesn’t wear you out trying!
May be it is to personal to ask Jaime, but what is your motivation to stay in the business?
I don’t think it is too personal to ask that question and it is an easy one for me to answer. I love what I do, I love men and feel blessed that every day I get to spend time with such wonderful people. If I didn’t enjoy my day, I just simply could not motivate myself to do it. Have you ever had a job where they couldn’t pay you enough money to stay? I did once, and when I realized that I was done and ready to move on, all the money in the world wouldn’t have kept me there. I truly value my time and I am careful how I spend it.
A number of years ago, I took this test called the 5 love languages. What I discovered about myself was very interesting. My number one love language was tied between Physical Touch and Quality Time. My second was Words of Affirmation and third was Acts of Service. This is the way I feel loved, honoured, cherished, or whatever words you want to ascribe to feeling really good. Typically these feelings come when you are in a relationship but when I think of this in the context of my profession, it makes total sense. I get plenty of physical touch, gentleman give me their full and undivided attention and they let me know they appreciate me with their kind words and wonderful compliments. All of my needs are being met, why wouldn’t I be grateful for the work I do?
I can honestly say out of the many interesting careers I have had, this one suits my personality the best. It may not take advantage of the full variety of skills I have to offer, but it does a few. 😉 As long as I am still having fun, I will continue to do what I do. When the day comes that I am no longer, it will be the day I decide to retire.
Thanks for asking!
How important is size? Was not sure how to ask the question without seeming rude….
Size is a relative thing actually. I know it is something that many men are insecure about and I feel really bad about that. The porn industry has almost every guy looking at his penis and saying, does this even come close? To draw a slight comparison, some flat chested women think that they don’t compare to many that they see on TV, or in magazines or on the street. You have to admit you are fortunate in that the whole world isn’t checking out your penis every time you walk out the door. 🙂
Obviously, I have had an opportunity to see many penises, and I can assure you that they come in a wide variety of shapes and sizes and I have had fun with them all. I am often surprised at men that think theirs are small, when in fact they are definitely average.
So when does size matter? Well, if a woman is a virgin, a smaller penis will be more comfortable for her. If she has had several vaginal births, one that is on the smaller side may not provide as much stimulation for her. Having said that, I need to tell you that when I was younger, I had a wonderful lover who had the smallest penis I had encountered. With all my experience today, I can still say he definitely had one of the smallest. Anyway, we had amazing chemistry, off the charts kind and when he made love to me, I would easily cum 10 times! I have never, ever had that experience with anyone since. No matter how big or how small. I have never forgotten him or how he made me feel. I believe it is not the size that matters, but how you feel about each other and how you use it.
Society has made us believe that a huge penis would more pleasurable, I can honestly say that it isn’t true, at least for me. Sure there are some positions where a longer penis is helpful, a few where a thick one can be really nice, but overall, they can all provide wonderful stimulation. I do notice that when a penis is smaller, I get more stimulation of the Gspot and the very sensitive nerves at the opening of the Vagina. There are pluses for every shape and size penis, so be proud of yours and focus on what really gets your partner going, instead of your size.
If ever you feel rejected and you are certain it had to do with penis size, I can tell you without a doubt that she wasn’t good enough for you anyway!! I say, NEXT!!!
I have been separated now for about 4 years, and have found that I am a lot more of a shy person around women, that I was in the past. Its been awhile since I have been with a woman, is an escort the right way to go, and how do you choose?
I’m really sorry to hear about your separation. I know that these events in life can shake our self-confidence and our self-esteem. Since you mention that this is something new for you, I suspect that this may be the case. You didn’t say how long you were in the relationship for, if it was for many many years you might just feel awkward flirting with women since it was probably not something you haven’t done for a long time. Perhaps you were terribly hurt by the ending of the relationship and now you aren’t sure if you can trust women again. All are really valid and potential causes of the newfound shyness.
It sounds like you think seeing an escort might help and it may! I have had clients who expressed similar issues with me about being shy, yet when they were with me, there was no evidence of that. They themselves were surprised by that and at first, so was I. After some reflection, I thought of a couple of things that might contribute to that. First of all, when we are meeting, we are both really clear about the general expectations of our time together. You would likely be less concerned about whether I will like you, or find you attractive. That equates to less pressure. Also, people who are in your position have normally read through most of my blogs and they have an unconscious comfort level with me before they ever come through the door. They feel like they know me a bit already and because of the nature of our get together, they don’t actually have to flirt with me.
So in having said all that, I believe that seeing an escort will definitely be helpful in terms of taking care of your physical needs short-term, but I’m not sure it will necessarily translate into feeling less shy with women in general. If the escort is mature and able to give you some other advice that is helpful to you, of course, that would be great.
You asked how would you choose the escort, I would say make sure she is age appropriate to you, perhaps in the age range, you consider dating. Find one that has a good website where she makes clear what spending time with her would be like. If she has a website, this is a career for her and has chosen it, because she enjoys it. Check review boards to make sure she is legitimate. You want to know if A) she looks like her pictures B) she provides the services she says she does C) the environment she meets you in is clean and safe. All the rest is totally subjective, based on the writer’s personal preferences and biases.
I would like to go back to some of the potential causes for shyness that I stated in the first paragraph. Each reason might require a slightly different approach to resolving the issue.
Our self-confidence and esteem can really take a beating when a relationship ends. Many thoughts run endlessly through our heads, did I try hard enough, what did I do wrong, what if I can’t find someone else, what if nobody likes me, what if I make another mistake? It is really critical that you don’t let these thoughts beat you up. Get some help, whether it is with a professional counsellor, or you have a great friend that is excellent at pointing out what you need to take ownership of and what you need to let go. There are many great books on rebuilding self-confidence/self-esteem and shyness that would be very helpful. I suggest that you look for a male author. I believe you will do yourself a great service by doing this.
Anyone who has been through something traumatic like a relationship ending will go through the roller coaster of emotions, but those that bounce back are those that took charge, took accountability where they needed to and made the necessary changes so the same mistakes wouldn’t plague them again. The trick is to understand yourself. Take this time to figure out who you are, what you are great at, what you love, what you stand for, what you look for and what you will not tolerate. Then be brave and go out into the dating world confident you are going to attract the woman who is just right for you. One that you don’t feel tongue-tied around, one that makes laugh and most importantly, let’s you be you. All the rest, just don’t matter.
Good luck and I truly believe you have the power to overcome your shyness, but it will take some work and effort on your part to get to the root of it. It will be worth it!
I’ve never been able to last too long when having intercourse, is there anything that you can suggest, that can make me last longer?
If we were having a discussion in person, I would probably ask you a bunch of questions to better understand your issue, such as:
Do you have the same issue with oral?
If you have the same issue with oral sex, that would indicate to me that you have a particularly sensitive penis to any stimulation. Sex does begin in the mind though, and if stimulation alone is enough to get you off, perhaps try toning down any visualizing you might be doing in advance. I know some men (especially those with diabetes) who would be all to happy to have a “too sensitive” penis btw.
Is this actually a problem for your partner, or do you just feel you should hold off longer?
I know that some women can be disappointed if you never last long enough to get them over the edge, is that true in your case? It wouldn’t be in mine and if she isn’t complaining, she might be very happy with how long it takes you.
Are you able to have more than one orgasm in the time you usually have for play?
If so, then I suggest you not worry about how quick the first one is. Get it out of the way so you can relax and enjoy the build-up to the second one, which invariably takes longer. Don’t forget to please your partner orally if you can after the first, she will appreciate the warm-up if you are going to take some time to get ready for round two.
Are you focused on the issue the whole time you are playing; anticipating an early ending?
I would call that negative goal setting and a potentially self-fulfilling prophecy. Don’t do it!
Does the position matter?
I have noticed that two positions, in particular, seem to be harder to hold back an orgasm, and that’s missionary and doggy. There are so many other wonderful positions to try that are less stimulating but every bit enjoyable. You might want to try switching it up a bit first before you get into your favourite finishing position.
I hope you found something here that could help you out and if I missed the mark, don’t be afraid to let me know. Perhaps someone reading this has an idea or two of their own to share, if so, please leave us a comment!